Yesterday was what I call a “reward day”. The flavour of the day was sweet! I tasted the fruit of the labours of the last several years. I felt peace in our home and in our lives. I don’t remember the last day that went by where I didn’t feel like I was swimming against the current, and always one step behind.
Yesterday there was no attention-seeking behaviour, no explosive conflicts, no stressful rushing. It was a full, busy day, and it was satisfying, so satisfying!
The last year I have been treading water in a sea of top priorities. Yesterday I felt like I climbed into a lifeboat, or at least grabbed a chunk of ship to cling to.
We have been through a full year of seasons. It takes a significant amount of energy to just figure out how to prepare and equip a family of five for outings and activities that we’ve never done together before (never mind the actual preparation!). Even something as seemingly mundane as going to the park for the afternoon or taking a child to school. We have learned that rubber boots and umbrellas are good to have, how to pack a lunch or a snack, how to organize our parkas and hats and mitts so that everyone has what they need every time we leave the house. We have learned how long we need to get ready in the morning, figured out who does what, and how to adapt when it all goes wrong.
After a full year here we can be confident that any unpacked box doesn’t ever need unpacking. We sold some stuff online and have been giving stuff away like crazy. It feels AMAZING. With every box and bag that leaves the house, I feel more free. All these goods- some of them perfectly good- were holding us hostage. We couldn’t find what we knew we had, so we couldn’t use it. The stuff we had but could do without still needed to be stored and cleaned and otherwise maintained. And I have really recognized the negative effect that mess and clutter has on the mind and mood.
When we moved to Mexico, we had only been married 2 years, we had a toddler, and we really didn’t know what we needed in our home and family. We didn’t go to the U.S. often to shop, and some of the things we thought we wanted or needed weren’t available in Mexico. So I hoarded for the future. I did give things away to our cleaning ladies, but in the grand scheme of things I didn’t make much of a dent. A fact to which the friends who helped us move into this house can attest.
During the time in Mexico I learned how to keep a house, and three kids later we have a good idea of what items we need and don’t need. Add to that a year of life in Canada and finally I think we have come much closer to understanding what is good to have around. We have learned that our kids think they like toys, but they rarely actually played with most of them. They like to build forts and machines with chairs, stools, pillows, baby gates, potties, power cords, and such, mostly. So, we gathered up all the toys, stashed them downstairs, and made that area off limits. The kids were amazingly accepting! We have seen that without so much choice, they are more often sitting down with a book, and getting deeper into other activities- mostly drawing and fort/machine building. It has been really good. Next step is to cull through the toys, keep the really good ones, and bring them out occasionally instead of having them available all the time.
The other thing we are happy to have around and spend money on is sporting equipment. Micah has a new bike in his future!
Don’t get me wrong. At this moment, the supper dishes are still on the table, the floors are filthy, I don’t remember the last time I washed the sheets, and the toilets are a disgrace. But because we have less stuff, there are fewer things to put away. It is easier to find the floor to clean it. And at this very moment, sitting down, resting and reflecting is more important than those things. It’s not about perfection, it’s about priorities.
We have tightened up our boundaries and routines in the house and have found that the children- and we- are thriving because of them. For instance, it used to be that the minute we got up we’d be bombarded by demands for food. Understanding that some people wake up feeling quite hungry, we would answer to the demand. And right from the first minute we’d be playing catchup. And feeling Not Good Enough because our child was hungry and we weren’t meeting that need. Tough start to the day. So we set 7am as breakfast time. The demands are reduced, everybody knows what to expect, and it feels so much more peaceful.They also need to be completely ready to head out the door before they play. This is a big stress saver and peace-maker as well.
We created a weekly schedule and assigned some chores. Eva in particular has really embraced this. And then we don’t look like the bad guy when we ask for the kids to help- we can just point at the weekly calendar. This system isn’t perfect but it is definitely a step in the right direction. Not only are we getting some help around the house, we are also training our children in how to keep a home. You wouldn’t believe how excited they were to learn how to clean a toilet, when it was either that or continue with the now-so-boring dishwasher emptying task.
The sleeping situation has overall improved! Last week after the beautiful gift of a good night, we had two sleepless nights in a row with a wailing Joshie, and five more very poor nights after that. We were completely wrecked. This week, though, he has had two good nights, and last night wasn’t great but could have been way worse. What seems to be working out is Josh sleeping from 7 to 4:30, then waking to poop and nurse, and back to sleep at 5:30 for another 30-60 minutes. While 5am+ would be even better, I rejoice in the long stretch of sleep he and we are getting more regularly. WHOOHOO!!! Just having some kind of expectation of how the night might go is so helpful and such a big change.
Now I’ve spent more than enough of my kids-are-asleep-and-we’re-not time and I need to join them in Dreamland. Good night, Readers.
While he was kind of excited to have supplements like Josh and me, actually taking them wasn’t as exciting as he thought it would be. But now he’s mostly in the groove and takes his stuff like a trooper. I’m sure it helps that I give it to him in juice, even at suppertime.
